Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Claws and Prongs
by Bloody Bloody Baron
Summary: I know that the Marauders are made up of four guys, but what if they weren't? What if they were made up of four guys and a girl? What if she was called Sophie Lockhart? Well, in this story, that is exactly what happens. Follow the five through their seven years of Hogwarts, and after, where one person could make all the difference... (It does get less cheesy on the inside. Honest.)


Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Claws and Prongs.

_Disclaimer: I do not own characters, surnames, speeches or basically anything recognizable or relatable to the franchise Harry Potter. JK Rowling does. Not me. This is the only disclaimer I'll write for this story, as it's all the same story, and this applies to basically anything in the rest of this story. Good day. Or, you know, night. Whenever you're reading this._

* * *

"_Come on_, Sophie, you're going to make yourself _and_ your brother late! Again! How you managed to get on top of that muggle contraption in the station last year I'll never know! You weren't even _at _Hogwarts! I don't think I _want_ to know!"

This was the first thing that James Potter heard once he had crossed the barrier from King's Cross Station to the Platform of 9 and ¾ for the first ever time. He was an averagely heighted boy, with brown hair, and brown, nay, hazel eyes, which were guarded by stylish rectangular glasses.

"Mum, it's called climbing. You know, that thing where you get yourself higher? For fun? You know what fun is, don't you? The thing that you somehow derive from talking to our god-awful relatives? And Gilderoy, for that matter. How you manage it I'll never know. I can't even look at him without wanting to resort to fratricide." Came a girl's cheeky reply to the flustered voice, her mother, apparently.

James grinned. He had no idea who that girl was, but, if she enjoyed climbing trees and annoying her parents (good-naturedly, of course, James thought), then he had a feeling they would be getting along.

"_Sophie! _Will you _stop_ talking about murdering your brother like that! And _do not_ harp on about your relatives in that way!And as for _climbing, _you can forget about it! If your grandmother has told you once, she's told you a thousand times, you need to be more ladylike!"

James' face fell a little. Maybe the mother wasn't partaking in good-natured banter. Perhaps she was serious. That wouldn't do. He couldn't imagine not getting on with his parents.

"Mum, Aunt Beetroot's gone off with Gilderoy. You can stop acting like a Flint."

"Oh excellent, I can't stand it when I have to pretend that I agree with all that lady-like nonsense. Say, if your grandmother knew about our Quidditch habits, what would she do?"

_Oh, good_, James thought. _Not only do they get along, they play Quidditch!_

"Have a fit-"

"Explode-"

"Throw a wobbly-"

"Implode-"

"All in a lady-like manner, of course!" The two voices finished simultaneously, before breaking into a fit of giggles.

James smiled, and noticed the two bodies that seemed to be having the conversation he'd been listening too. One, a woman, fairly attractive and seeming to be in her thirties, the other, a short child's figure with shoulder length brown hair, facing away from James. They were clinging to each-other and shaking, in near hysteria.

"Weird, aren't they?" Came a voice to the side of James. It belonged to a tall, good-looking boy with long black hair, and grey eyes, who was also surveying the scene before them with interest.

"Yeah, you can say that again." James replied, although he did find the whole thing kind of cute.

"Still, at least they get along. My mum's a right hag. And I'd like to do the whole in-sync-conversation thing." The boy said.

"Same. Not the mum, hag thing, the in-sync-conversation thing." He amended, for James rather liked his mother. She was quite useful, for giving him sickles for sweets, and making his food. _Although, _James thought, _sweets comes under the category of food. _He voiced these thoughts to the other boy, who threw his head back and laughed.

"You're alright, mate. Bit on the weird side, but then, who's to say I'm not? They certainly are." He gestured toward the mother and daughter, who were now accompanied by a blonde teenage boy who was looking at them in a mix of condescending and exasperated manner. The mother had regained composure and was acting like a sane person once more, whilst the girl was rolling her eyes, seemingly at her mother and who appeared to be her brother, for spoiling her fun. It seemed recreational times had been cut short many a time before in a similar manner. "I'm Sirius, by the way. Sirius Black."

"James Potter." The boy replied, pleased to have made a friend. Well, an acquaintance. But James had always been optimistic, and besides, he hadn't really grown up with many other children, being his (rather doting) parents' only son, and having been home-schooled, as was traditional with Wizarding families, up until then.

"So, do you reckon the girl's a nutter, or what? The rest of her family clearly is. Look, they're talking with my mum now, and the woman's smiling! And I swear the boy's flirting with that old lady, with the handbag. Longbottom, is it? I mean, that's just sick!" Sirius exclaimed incredulously.

"Which, someone smiling with your mother or a thirteen year old flirting with someone in their thirties?" James joked, although the latter was making him slightly nauseous.

"Good point, they're both mental. The girl's making faces behind them, though, so I think she's alright."

Indeed, the girl was pulling some rather extraordinary expressions behind the two matriarch's backs, screwing her countenance up, crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out in, what James thought to be, quite painful angles. It was a hilarious sight, even more so when her mother and indeed Sirius' turned round, upon which, as quick as a flash, her face morphed back to a perfectly normal, in fact sickeningly innocent position, gaining grins from both boys.

However, as soon as the two turned around to resume their conversation, she continued to execute a fabulous monkey impression, amusing other students and their families, who had stopped to watch the comical scene, the mother occasionally glancing at her daughter, intent on catching her, but each time this was to happen, the girl would retain her composure immediately, even Sirius' parent joining in, trying to catch her in the act, after the first double-take. Upon spotting the two boys observing her, she shot them a cheeky grin, before returning to her act. Then, the girl's mother whirled around, faster than James would have thought possible, so fast that he was sure she would be caught, and receive the worst telling off in history, even worse than the time his mother had caught him putting spiders in a dinner guest's tea. He was certain that the crowd gave a collective gasp, immediately sober.

Yet, the girl had, again, reverted back to a respectable position, and had had the sheer audacity to start whistling, and rocking back and forth on her feet, in that typically suspicious manner, as though she had not a care in the world. The audience was, at this point, silently shaking with mirth. The girl slowly stopped, gradually, for, what James was sure of, the utmost of comical affects, and, leisurely brought her gaze back to the dumbfounded women. Carefully, she surveyed them with apparent concern, as if they were mad, nay, if _they_ had just been caught by _her_ whilst jumping around like a monkey, and with the most patronising voice James had ever heard, "Is there something wrong, mummy dearest? And mummy dearest's friend? Because, and, with all due respect, you both look as if I've just turned into a monkey."

Alas, this was too much for the crowd, and indeed, James and Sirius, and slowly but surely, they descended into open laughter, until the entire platform was near hysteria, with "monkey-girl", as James had dubbed her, perfectly calm, her face side-splittingly straight, in fact, she seemed to be confused by the rest of the crowds antics.

As for the two poor women, they were no match for monkey-girl, and were absolutely bewildered. Mrs Black's face was a mix of confusion, paranoia and horror, and monkey-girl's mother, well, it was hilarious. Her expression was very nearly the same of Mrs Black's, only the paranoia was greater, and she looked to be extremely exasperated, too. Whilst the ladies were pre-occupied by the confusing puzzle of the crowd laughing at them, Mrs Black looking terribly affronted, the girl made a bow to the onlookers, and slipped off, in case her mother decided that she should punish her daughter even _without_ having caught her, probably under the common excuse "_I just know that somehow, you're the cause of this!"_.

It was clear to James, at least, that this was not the first time monkey-girl had pulled something like this, and, he hoped, certainly not the last, for although he was most adequate (even above, if he did say so himself) at pulling off the average pranks, this monkey-girl was, without a doubt, a genius, a natural, accustomed to pulling them off seamlessly, with as any amount of supplies (or none at all, as she had done just seconds before), and had perfected the innocent look, with (and without hindering the aforementioned expression) a constant mischievous glint in her eyes. Yes, James reflected, this girl was an excellent trickster, and would hopefully join him in bringing Hogwarts to its knees by means of pranking, resulting in their names going down in history, as the greatest practical jokers that had ever graced the halls of the school that they would soon be joining.

He confided these thoughts in Sirius, who immediately agreed, on the condition that he could join as well, as could anyone else the three ("as soon as she joins, that is- and who wouldn't want to?") deemed worthy, and almost straight away after they had conceived these plans, the two boys set off to find monkey-girl, to give their proposition to her, and congratulate her on a well-executed trick.

"She was very funny, wasn't she?" A voice interjected, distracting the two from their deep conversation. It belonged to a tall boy, even taller than Sirius, with sandy coloured hair and shallow scars across his face. He had a kind, but shy look about him, and it seemed as though he had just looked up from his book.

The two boys exchanged glances, before nodding, and started to strike up a conversation, leaving out their plans, for the time being.

As the discussion went on, they found Remus Lupin, as his name turned out to be, exceedingly interesting, if not a little more introverted and rule-abiding than the other two. Still, they liked him well enough, and through an unspoken agreement were ready to accept him into the foursome, although, as they explained to him, they had of yet to have found monkey-girl to invite her to be the second member. Remus readily accepted the offer, after being a more than a little doubtful of the sincerity of the offer ("Me?"), and once again, returned to their chat, which surprisingly had led back to monkey-girl (Sirius and Remus had absolutely loved the female pranker's nickname, finding it almost as funny as they had at her monkey antics).

Soon, they met a boy named Peter Pettigrew, a fair haired boy with sharp features and watery eyes, who seemed to already _worship_ them after five minutes, and for that reason, James and Sirius readily accepted him into their ranks, whilst Remus liked him because he was more easy to identify with; they were both less outspoken and loud, and they both seemed quite surprised at the thought of hanging out with boys this confident and outgoing.

In fact, they were both wondering how long it would take for James and Sirius to realise their mistake and un-invite them from the group.

Remus, of course, was sure that if they ever discovered his secret, what he was, then they would shun him, maybe even find a way for him to be expelled because of his condition, and thus resolved to not get his hopes up, whilst Peter came to the conclusion that these three boys, and the girl, once she joined, would soon realise that he was nothing like them. He wasn't smart, or funny, or even tall, he reflected morosely. It was only a matter of time until they realised their mistake, and would be kicked out.

Yet, again, they both realised, if this was a short-term thing, then they may as well try to make the most of it.

* * *

Still chatting, they boarded the train, having bid farewell to their families, with a decision to keep an eye out for her on the journey, as they all agreed that it would be a great asset to have a compartment to themselves, so as to have some time to plan their first feat.

The train took off not ten minutes later, and around five minutes into the trip, who should dart in and fall onto James and Sirius' lap, but the great and coveted monkey-girl?

The boys exchanged grins, and the established leader James was about to speak when she abruptly ordered them.

"Get down! He'll see us!"

For some reason, all of them, even James, the leader, and Sirius, the rebel, sensed the franticness in her voice, and without hesitation, they all simultaneously dived down. She signalled for them to be quiet as they as they heard footsteps pass, and once the footsteps had gone, she motioned that they could get up.

"Sorry about that- my brother, you see, and I had a feeling that if I hadn't gotten out of there sooner, then he would have embarked on another one of his stories about himself, and if I have to hear about his encounter with the bear with which he wrestled for his life _one more time_, then I honestly will be left with no choice but to finish what the bear started and strangle him."

The boys laughed loudly at her explanation, and Remus shuffled along politely so she could sit down. As she plonked herself alongside him, she observed his scars curiously, but thought better than to ask. Instead, she turned her attention back to the group, and said, "You're laughing now, but if you ever have the misfortune of meeting him- and believe me you'll have my utmost apologies and condolences should the occasion ever arise- you'll know exactly what I mean. He's the most boring, self-obsessed, _irritating _person I've _ever met._"

"Who is your brother?" Peter asked politely, with a curious look at the strange girl.

He could tell from the excited looks the others were showing that she was the monkey-girl they were going on about. He hadn't actually seen her display, as by the time he'd noticed there was something to be watching, a crowd had gathered and he couldn't see past it. They'd all been laughing tremendously, though, so he just sort of laughed along with the whenever it was brought up, hoping that they wouldn't ask him to describe it, as they had, with lines like: "_Oh, but when her mother turned around!" _or_ "And when she started whistling!" _or _"I honestly thought I would die of laughter after I saw her face!"_. It was all getting a bit irritating for Peter at this point.

Now Peter looked at her, she wasn't just weird because of the monkey thing, or the way that she'd came in, but she _looked _strange too. She was wearing a sort of denim dungaree ensemble with a white lacy shirt, a navy blue beret, and a bright yellow fitted fabric coat, that looked as if it was made of felt. Peter's mother worked at Twilfitt and Tattings, and she would have had a fit if she could see monkey-girl. _And her_ _shoes! _Peter thought. _Perfectly nice white shoes, and look! They're all brown and muddy now! _So, Peter was a bit effeminate. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all, he thought with conviction, before being pulled back from his conversation with himself, into whatever the monkey-girl was saying now.

"Oh, erm, Gilderoy." Monkey-girl said stiffly, gaining confused glances from the others.

"Surname?" Sirius put in, having been trained to ask this question for years.

"Lockhart." She said shortly, causing James and Remus to exchange shocked looks.

"And what're you called?" Remus inquired courteously, recovering.

"Yeah, we can't just keep calling you monkey-girl." Sirius put in, sensing the conversation needed to be lightened up, although how her brother's name had caused her and James and Remus to act so strange, he had no idea.

"Well, I suppose so, although I think it's an excellent nickname. I came up with it, so it's me you should thank." James piped up, catching on to Sirius' plan.

The girl giggled, and answered, "Sophie. Although I do agree. It's an absolutely fabulous nickname. Monkey-girl. I like it. I'm assuming you called me that because of my display on the platform earlier, and not because I'm really hairy, or I have a tail, or I fling my faeces at people."

Whilst the other boys laughed at this, James pretended to observe her critically, before saying suspiciously, "Well, I suppose not the first two reasons, but I've got my eye on you about that last one."

The five started laughing again, and, once it had died down, James began his proposal.

"So, Sophie. Do you play pranks like that often?" The boys seemed to lean in, a more than a little eager, but if Sophie found this strange, her face did not convey it. She pondered the question before replying.

"Not really," In a voice that sounded, for the first time, unsure. "I mean, I do play tricks and jokes quite frequently, but, I'm not the sort of person to pull the same thing twice, if you understand." As she finished, her speech became more final and decisive.

"But, that is to say, you're always practical joking?" Sirius cut in, excitedly.

"Well, yes, I guess so."

"And you're good at it?" Remus joined in.

"I'd like to think so."

"Sophie, nay, monkey-girl, from what we, and that's Peter, Remus, Sirius and I," James said in what he hoped to be an offhand manner, motioning to the boys in question as he rattled off their names, "From what we've seen of you, we think you are an excellent trickster."

"Thank you?" Sophie was, at this point, suspicious.

"Well, how would you feel, about joining this group as its second member, and pulling pranks with us?" The speech, albeit more of an inquisition had finished, and Sophie looked at them confusedly.

"But, I thought there were four of you already?"

"Yes, but you were the second person to be thought of." Remus informed her.

"Oh. Well I guess that makes sense."

"Hang on, does that mean I'm last?"

"Don't worry Pete, I'm number four, and that's my least favourite number, after seven."

"How d'you think I feel? I'm _middle. Average._"

"See, it's not as bad as Sirius."

"Oi! It may be bad, but there's no need to say so."

"But _you_ said so"

"Yeah, but it's _different_ when _I_ say it."

"Well I've been called monkey-girl for the best part of an hour."

"Have we really been on the train for an hour?"

"The point is, do you accept?" James cut in, half amused and half exasperated by the scene before him.

"Yes, obviously, but," James realised that they'd turned their attention away from him. They were now up on their feet, making over the top hand gestures to argue their point. "I'm _monkey-girl._ And I'm technically last. So I win."

"There's no competition."

"How can you win if there's no competition?"

"You both know full well that there is a competition, there has been since Peter started it."

"How did _I _start this?"

"By saying that your one was the worst."

"I didn't say that."

"To be fair to her, you did a bit, mate."

"See? Even Sirius agrees."

"What d'you mean by _'Even Sirius agrees'_?"

"I just mean that you've been arguing that you're third. But you're not. You're second. Remus is third."

"Oh, good. Being third stinks."

"Hey!"

"Not _you_, Remus. Being third suits you."

"Hang on, does that make me _fourth_?"

"I thought you didn't _like_ being last?"

"But being fourth is _worse!"_

"_Hey!"_

"_Then why start this ruddy competition in the first place?"_

"_I didn't start one!"_

"_YES, YOU DID!" _The two boys and Sophie had, at this point turned round to Peter and all shouted that last one in exasperation.

_Welcome, _James thought dryly,_ to the next seven years of my life._

It was in this little tableaux they found themselves in, when they turned, almost synchronised, and realised that across from them a boy and a girl were there. The girl was a pretty redhead with green eyes, and the boy had a pale, sunken face, his hair a little long and greasy, his nose a little red.

The boy was saying something about Slytherin, an undesirable house to be in, according to James' dad, so, naturally, he cut in.

"Slytherin? Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

"My whole family have been in Slytherin." Sirius said without a smile.

"Blimey," said James, "And I thought you seemed alright!"

Sirius grinned. "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

James lifted an invisible sword. "_'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!_' Like my dad."

The pale boy made a small, disparaging noise. Sophie turned on him. She might not know the boys that well, but she was on friendlier terms with them than him, and was a loyal person. "Got a problem with that?"

"No," said the pale boy, though the slight sneer in his voice said otherwise. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" interjected Sirius.

James and Sophie roared with laughter, Remus looking slightly guilty but still muffling a few giggles. Peter just looked amazed at Sirius' quick wit. The redhead sat up, rather flushed, and looked at the boys and Sophie with dislike.

"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."

"Oooooo…" James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip "Severus" as he passed. Sophie mouthed "Severus" to Remus thoughtfully.

"See ya, Snivellus!" Sophie called as inspiration struck, meanwhile the door slammed shut.

The boys burst into laughter again; Sophie looked very pleased with herself.

"Well, it's not up there with _'monkey-girl'_, but I think it'll do." She smiled.

"What about you, Sophie? Where'd you wanna go?" Remus asked, typically the first to regain composure.

"Not sure. Not Slytherin, or Ravenclaw, cunning or smart doesn't sound like me, nicknames apart. The Git's in Ravenclaw, too, and I think I'd probably strangle him within a week if I had to spend any more time with him. Hufflepuff looks like my most likely offer, but my mother was in there and I'll be damned if I'm with her. To be honest, I'm not very hardworking either, so either way it's out of the question. My dad was in Gryffindor, though, so maybe that's where I can go."

"For someone who's not sure, you've put an awful lot of thought into it. I haven't thought of anything at all!" Peter fretted.

"Don't worry, then, you sound like the perfect Hufflepuff!" Sophie said warmly, causing Peter to look even more concerned whilst the others burst out in fits of giggles again.

The train journey continued in that manner for a while, with either Sirius, James or Sophie doing or saying something to amuse the others, until the boy who had been seen flirting with Augusta Longbottom came in.

"Ah, Sophie! There you are! I was worried you weren't on the train, or had tried to copy another one of my daredevil stunts! Do you remember that time when I was in the middle of battling a ferocious beast, and you toddled up to it and tried to pet it?"

The boys stared at him. Was he actually being serious? Sophie, however, rolled her eyes. "That was because it was the neighbours' overgrown cat, Gilderoy, and you were waving a very large stick at it. Can you blame him for scratching you?"

"I tell you, it was a ferocious beast! You were three and I was five, so I think I'd have been the one with a better memory." Gilderoy retorted. Couldn't his little sister see she was ruining one of his stories? Why must she always have to _ruin_ his stories?

"Be that as it may, there are photos!"

"In which, I look incredibly handsome whilst battling a ferocious beast!"

"A cat!"

"I tell you, it was a-"

"What are you even_ doing_ here?"

"I came to get you back into the apartment you were in before, before you so rudely left!"

"Well _go back, _because I'm _staying here,_ with my friends!"

For the first time since arriving at his sister's compartment, Gilderoy faltered. "_Those _are your friends?" He had expected some girls, who would have no doubt fawned over him, just as all the other girls did. Trust his sister to choose friends who wouldn't be impressed by him. Maybe the small one, but he had no qualms that she had already poisoned his mind.

Then, his train of thought was interrupted by an abrupt "Yes! Now get out!"

And with that, he was unceremoniously ousted, and the quintet's journey wasn't interrupted again.

* * *

The five arrived at Hogsmeade Station without a hitch, but as they got to the boat, they realised there was only room for four.

"I guess you'll be riding with us, then. Don't worry, we don't bite. Much. I'm Vincent Mulciber, that's Alexander Macnair, and he's Alastair Avery. We were wondering what would happen if someone were to _accidentally _fall in the lake." A boy said menacingly to Peter, gesturing to the boys getting into a boat, who grinned evilly. Peter gulped.

"No, he won't, Mulciber, I will." Sophie said boldly. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." She assured James, who had just opened his mouth. "As if he'd be stupid enough to try something when Hagrid is watching, and I could just as easily push _him _in the lake."

Sirius snorted.

And with that, she advanced toward Mulciber threateningly, making him jump, hopped in the boat ungracefully, making it rock a little, causing the two other boys already inside it to look a little sick. Mulciber scowled, but got into the boat, which promptly started to move.

Shaking their heads in disbelief of Sophie's recklessness, they followed suit, embarking in a sort of race with Sophie's boat, which they won, as the other boys in her boat had started to try to slow it down once they realised what she was doing.

These two factors (the boys' boat going faster than normal, and Sophie's going slower than normal) meant that the boys got to the castle ages before anyone else, and Sophie, Macnair, Avery and Mulciber's boat got there last. When they finally _did_ arrive, both Mulciber and Sophie were soaked.

As soon as they arrived, Mulciber cried out, _"I can't believe you pushed me in!" _

"_Well you jumped me, and you dragged me in with you, so you're not exactly guiltless!"_

"_I only jumped you because you insulted me!"_

"_You ARE an inbred lunatic! Did you ever wonder how you stayed 'pure'?"_

"_Well you're a Pureblood too, so you can't talk!"_

"_My dad's family is from America, so-"_

"_Oh, don't start about your precious dad, I've heard all about him-"_

"_Don't you dare-"_

And this was how Professor McGonagall and the ghosts found the first years. A boy and a girl, both soaking wet, shouting loudly enough for the Great Hall to hear them (and indeed they could, and this was why the Transfiguration teacher had come early; she usually let the ghosts greet the first years first), and their wands at each-others' throats, everyone else crowded around them, watching in anticipation.

"ENOUGH!" She shouted. Everyone turned to the Deputy Headmistress, although the boy and girl did not lower their wands, nor did they take their gaze off of each-other. "I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOUR! ALL OF THE GREAT HALL CAN HEAR YOU, NOW FOR GOODNESS SAKE'S, LOWER YOUR WANDS!"

They obliged immediately. Everyone with a magical family this side of the Equator knew better than to cross Professor McGonagall. "The two of you will come to my office straight after the feast, do you understand?" They nodded, looking at their feet. The Professor relaxed minimally, and turned her attention to the rest of the group. "Welcome to Hogwarts. The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, You will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony, because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking," her gaze wandered over to James and Sirius, who were shooting Sophie looks of curiosity and concern, and over to Sophie herself, who stared right back at Professor McGonagall almost defiantly, daring her to tell her off for paying attention, "will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honour. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting."

Her eyes lingered on James' hair, and Sirius' undone tie, and Sophie and Mulciber, who were still soaking wet, Sophie having seaweed in her hair, a rip in her tights, and a mark on her cheek, which the Professor suspected was of the Giant Squid's, which usually put the students back in their boats. Of course, McGonagall was nothing if not fair, and would have cast a drying charm on them by now, but from what she had heard, they had both been asking for it. So she hadn't.

"I shall return when we are ready for you. Please wait quietly." She left the chamber.

"What happened?!" James yelped as soon as Sophie made her way over to him, the three other boys watching.

"I was being civil, truly, I was," She said, as she pulled a piece of seaweed out of her hair, "But then, he asked that girl- she was in our compartment for a while?" The other boys nodded, desperate to find out what happened. "He asked for her surname when she started marvelling about the castle, and when she answered 'Evans'," Sophie was now wringing out her wet lump of hair into a convenient potted plant- "he called her the _M-word_," James and Remus now looked furious, Sirius confused and Peter scared. "and that's when I started going on about," she dropped her voice "_inbreeding_" her voice then returned to normal, "and, well, you heard the rest."

The boys now nodded, and James and Remus turned to explain the "M-word" to Sirius, who now had a look of dawning comprehension and fury on his countenance.

Professor McGonagall returned, and told them to form a line, which unfortunately left Sophie in front of Mulciber, at the very back of the line.

They then followed her into the Great Hall. Whilst the others in front gasped in amazement at the appearance of the room, Sophie and Mulciber hadn't entered yet, so he took his chance and whispered down the back of Sophie's neck, making her hair stand on end, "_It's a good thing your house is like your family, because from what I've heard, the one you've got outside of school doesn't want you." _It took all of Sophie's strength not to punch him. _"All too busy fawning over the next in line for the title,"_ _Oh, _Sophie was _so _going to punch him,_ "or being captured and tortured and most likely killed at the hands of the Dark Lord." _

And _that _was when she punched him.

He yelped and they all turned around, to see Sophie looking angrier than ever, and Mulciber with a bleeding nose.

"YOU TWO!" McGonagall thundered.

"_I'm sorry, but he badmouthed my family-"_

"_I wasn't doing anything, I swear-"_

"_He talked about my dad-"_

"_And then out of the blue, she hits me-"_

"_You know what happened with my dad-"_

"_She's a madwoman-"_

"_He provoked me-"_

"ENOUGH! NEVER, IN ALL MY YEARS, HAVE I HAD TO DOCK POINTS AND GIVE DETENTIONS BEFORE THE SORTING! AND YES, I WILL BE DOCKING POINTS, AND YES, YOU WILL BE HAVING DETENTIONS! TWENTY FIVE POINTS EACH, FROM WHICHEVER HOUSE WILL BECOME YOURS AND DETENTION EVERY EVENING FOR A MONTH! YOUR HOUSE RIVALRY HASN'T EVEN BEGUN! WHAT IF YOU'RE IN THE SAME HOUSE? YOU NEED TO LEARN TO GET ALONG! OR AT THE VERY LEAST, STOP ACTING LIKE CHILDREN!" McGonagall ranted. "IF YOU PUT ONE TOE OUT OF LINE AGAIN, THEN I WILL SEND LETTERS HOME TO YOUR PARENTS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes, Professor McGonagall."

"NOW, TRY TO BEHAVE, FOR AT LEAST UNTIL THE END OF THE FEAST! YOU HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN YOURSELVES INTO A TRIP TO MY OFFICE, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT GIVE ME ANOTHER REASON!"

And with that, the Sorting Ceremony continued without another outburst, all five friends from the train carriage being sorted into Gryffindor, where fortunately for Sophie they weren't too bothered about the House Cup, and upon hearing that Mulciber (Slytherin, along with the other boys that had rode in the boat with Sophie and the boy from the train compartment) had insulted not only her family but her father, and anyone who read _The Daily Prophet_ (which was everyone but Sirius and Peter) knew about Albert Lockhart.

Thus the feast went on rather splendidly, and Dumbledore gave his speech about what they couldn't do ("As if we'll comply with any of that" Sirius scoffed rebelliously), the dangerous new tree called the Whomping Willow they weren't allowed to go near ("Well then why plant it?" Sophie questioned logically not noticing Remus' face had gotten quite pale), and introduced Fabien Prewett, an Auror who had decided to teach, as the new Defence Against The Dark Arts Teacher ("You know, he'll only last one year so we can play all sorts of pranks there without worrying about first impressions!" James whispered excitedly), and then they all stuffed themselves with food to the brim ("I love this place already!" Peter said greedily) whilst discussing their new classes ("I can't wait for Transfiguration!" Remus enthused irritatingly).

Then, at six o' clock, rather grimly, Sophie bid farewell to the Gryffindors, and set off to find McGonagall.

* * *

"Well, if you don't know where it is, then why bother saying you'll go with me so I know where it is?" Sophie was losing her patience. She'd been at this for four hours. It was now 10 o' clock. She was looking for the Transfiguration teacher, as she was supposed to, but had been slightly detained by a minor swarm of Hufflepuff students that had wanted to get to their common room, and had been left in a daze by the kitchens ("Tickling the pear? Genius!").

A very idiotic knight from a painting had decided to accompany her, and though she'd found many more interesting passage ways, and rooms, and paintings, and discovered the staircase's moving patterns, and what doors were doors, and what doors were just walls pretending to be doors, a very interesting room on the seventh floor that seemed to give her whatever she asked for, although it couldn't just give her a _map _("I really must make one."), or anything that was actually _useful_ for the task at hand, and a few little alcoves behind various tapestries, and all the other house's common rooms, lots more than she'd discovered last time she was here, really, she just wanted to see McGonagall, get the load-down her punishments, and go to bed.

However, the knight, Sir Cadogan, was trying to convince her that they should make a Quest of it.

"But it _has_ been a Quest! A _long, tiring, idiotic_ Quest. My feet hurt! I just want to get my punishment, and go. Honestly, I know enough about this bloody castle to write a map, all but bloody McGonagall's _bloody_ office, where I have _bloody_ to go to be _bloody_ punished, when I was_ bloody provoked! _And I really, _really, _REALLY, _REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO ON A BLOODY QUEST!"_

"And why are you shouting so loud about all these 'bloody' inconveniences?" A rather amused voice asked. Sophie turned around from shouting at a painting to find none other than Mulciber, looking like Christmas as he watched the scene before him unfold, McGonagall looking like she was outraged at the thought of one of her students swearing at a painting, and Professor Dumbledore, looking like he was going to start laughing.

Sophie bowed her head in sheepishness, but what she hoped to be took as a sign of respect. "Oh, well, erm, your Headmaster-ship-ness, sir," Dumbledore was _definitely _laughing now, "um, I was trying to find Professor McGonagall," she turned her attention to the teacher in question, "your Deputy-Head_mistress_-ship-ness, ma'am," now McGonagall was smiling, a difficult feat, "I was _trying_ to find you, and your office, but Sir Cadogan," she shot a glare at the painted man in question "wanted me to go on a Quest. I didn't. We were arguing about it for the fourth time just then."

"Well," McGonagall had stopped smiling, "You should have come to me as soon as you had finished eating, whilst I was still in the Great Hall."

"I was going to-" Sophie protested, before realising who she was protesting to, "But, I, er, got swarmed."

"Swarmed?" McGonagall's mouth was now twitching.

"By Hufflepuffs."

"I see." She was smiling again, and Mulciber was scowling, realising that both teachers were going to end up liking her. "Well, Miss Lockhart, I didn't leave the Great Hall until eight o' clock, so unless it was a _really big _'swarm of Hufflepuffs', you really don't have an excuse."

"But, Professor, I was dragged along!" Sophie exclaimed realising that this was all in good fun.

"Dragged along?"

"All the way to the kitchens." She said faux-sorrowfully.

"They swarmed you _into_ the kitchens?"

"Well, I _certainly_ didn't remember how to get in there from last time I was here, and get a hot chocolate, if that's what you mean."

"Certainly not!" Mulciber's mouth was now hanging open. "And I suppose the House Elves were unable to help you in finding my office, just as you were unable to ask?"

"Unfortunately, they were too busy offering me chocolate éclairs, and I was too busy accepting them."

"Unfortunate indeed." At this point, Dumbledore too was staring at McGonagall, as were most of the paintings. In fact, they were all full to the brim with painted women and men and children, all gazing in disbelief. Since when had she _ever_ _bantered with students?! _It might have happened once or twice with him, but Minerva? This was too surreal. "I don't suppose there were any left?"

"Well," Sophie's eyes were full of that mischievous glint by now, "Would these do?" Somehow, in the midst of all this, she had summoned a House Elf, who was holding up a plateful of chocolate éclairs. "Thank you, Twiggy. Professor Dumbledore? Vincent?" The dumbstruck males nodded and picked up an éclair each, still incredulous.

"Thank you. Now, about your punishments. Does 6 o' clock in the Transfiguration room for a month sound adequate?" Okay, this was more like Professor McGonagall, but she still sounded far too relaxed and amiable.

"Why yes, indeed it does, Professor."

"Very well. You'd best be on your way."

"Goodnight," and then she turned on her heel and said to Sir Cadogan, "come on. I still have to find the Gryffindor Common Room."

"A Quest!"

"Yes. A blooming Quest, now hurry up."

Albus Dumbledore regained his composure and turned to his Deputy and asked in genuine concern, "Are you quite well, Minerva?"

"I have no idea what you mean. Would you like another éclair?"

"But-" Mulciber objected, outraged.

"And you, boy. Go back to your dormitory and go to bed. If you ever taunt others about their families again, you'd better hope that they don't punch you as hard as Sophie did."

"Yes, Professor."

Once they were alone, the Headmaster gave the Transfiguration Professor another one of his Looks, to which she responded with a, "Oh, don't give me that look. I gave her the detentions, didn't I?"

"I never thought I'd see the day…"

"And besides. She had chocolate éclairs."

"You have always enjoyed chocolate éclairs…"

"Almost as much as _you_ enjoy those muggle yellow sweets."

"_Sherbet Lemons, _Minerva."

"Indeed."

* * *

"Finally!" James exclaimed, as Sophie Lockhart walked through the Portrait Hole of the Gryffindor Common Room at a quarter to eleven o' clock at night.

"What took you so long?" Sirius asked indignantly.

"Sir Cadogan wanted a Quest, so we looked all over, swarm of Hufflepuffs, had some éclairs, got the detentions, McGonagall likes me, Mulciber hates me, Dumbledore looks at me like _I'm _the weird one, paintings watched, really crowded, bantered with McGonagall, more éclairs, went back here!" Sophie rattled off brightly before yawning.

"Erm, we'll ask tomorrow once you've had some sleep." Remus decided.

"Alright. Which one's my dormitory?"

"That one." Peter pointed helpfully.

"Thanks, Pete. See you tomorrow." And she left.

"I know she's brilliant and all, but she is a bit weird, isn't she?" James asked the others, hoping that it wasn't _just _him.

"Yeah…" The boys chorused, before heading off to their own dormitory, feeling slightly dazed.

* * *

_A/N: So, what did you think? I'd love to hear your opinions, but I'd just like to point out the differences in this writing from canon, before I have to explain it more than once:_

_Although in canon, Gilderoy is a half-blood, this has him as a Pureblood, and his father's side of the family is American. He has a British paternal grandmother, which is why Sophie says her dad was in Gryffindor._

_I know that Gilderoy has two muggle sisters, but as with this Gilderoy and Sophie's father is a wizard, I've decided to cut out the older/younger sister, as Mabel (yes, in my head she's called Mabel) isn't really needed, and as for Sophie being a muggle, well, she's in Hogwarts now, so obviously she's not._

_I have no idea what Mulciber or Macnair or Avery's first names are, so I went with Vincent, like Crabbe (who knows, maybe he was named after him?), and Alastair, like Moody (no connection there, probably just a "pureblood classic") and Alexander, because it's the name of my brother, and he's a Slytherin if there ever was one._

_I will explain more about Albert Lockhart as this story progresses, so don't bother asking about him._

_And that's it! I really hope you enjoyed it and picked up some of my Harry Potter™ references, and I would love it if you reviewed. This is my first fanfiction (although not the first one I've thought of), so try to remember it. In any case, I really hope I continue this, because I've got so many of these stories in my head, I need to write them out. Seriously, it's getting cluttered. :) _

_Bye!_


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